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Bull in a China Shop

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Sometimes I feel so clumsy.  I just don't understand why I can't seem to get things right.  I think I've fixed something, try to tiptoe around my next "move" and fuck it all up because I failed to say that I was taking things into consideration and trying to be careful.  It sucks.  I just want time to figure things out.  It seems like that's what I'm almost always doing.  I'm insensitive.  Too self-contained.  Too masculine emotionally.  A bull in a goddamned china shop.  This is fucking bull shit.  I try but I'm not trying hard enough.  I don't say things when I should and I don't say them often enough.  I think I'm stepping things up, but apparently it's not a big enough difference to notice so still warrants complaint.  Once a fucking week.  Every week this happens.  Why?  Why can't I just give in?  Would it kill me to feel crappy to make someone else feel better?  I'm too self-reliant so I expect others to be the same.  This is wrong and I know it.  Do I wallow that much?  Maybe I do.  Enough to fuck things up anyway.  Just let me be upset by myself for a little while.  Or maybe that's the wrong thing to do.  Maybe you're right.  Maybe I'm too selfish.
Tags:
Current Location:
My Office
Current Mood:
pissed off pissed off
Current Music:
The Line of the Dead - Combichrist
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