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"Yes."
So, I have made a decision and I think it was the right one. Time will tell but, I made my choice based on compatibility, great friendship, and the fears that I DON'T have with this person (instead of just lust).
I apologize to those that I had been going on dates with for my sudden change in status.
I know that I have been very confusing (to myself even) in regard to my personal relationships and dating habits. Once again, my apologies. I had no idea what I wanted, so I stalled when propositioned and felt uncertain about what choice to make.
Current Location:
My Computer Chair of Doooom!
Current Mood:
contemplative contemplative
Current Music:
Bach - Concerto #2 in F Major
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I feel the need to post on LJ just for the sake of posting. I really don't feel like airing my laundry at the moment. So, my post is essentially pointless.
Current Location:
Let's Think About That a Minute...
Current Mood:
blah blah
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So, I am no longer in school (for now), I've started seeing a therapist, I quit working at Jo-Ann's and am now a professional online dominatrix, I am learning how to rollerblade BMX style on a half-pipe and stuff, and I've joined the Rainbow Tiger Circus climbing silks.

Ok, got all of that out...now to do some explaining. I quit school because I was unable to motivate myself and was experiencing some pretty intense anxiety and panic attacks. I found a psychologist that I really like and have started seeing him regularly; he's helped me a lot already. There's goood money to be had in online domination and I absolutely love what I do. I am finally happy with my profession AND I own my own business. My friend, Jason (not Amanda's ex), used to be a semi-pro skater and has been in the circus for a long time (and he was awesome enough to introduce me to them). I'm addicted to skating and circus...hardcore addicted.

It's great because both of those activities are painful and it takes away my feelings of wanting to hurt myself. So, instead of cutting myself, I can go out and be productive, learn stuff, and feel the pain that the intense training and workout inflict on my body. Also, the adrenaline that courses through me from the physical exercise wipes away any depression and/or stress I may be feeling at the time.
Current Location:
Happy Land
Current Mood:
accomplished accomplished
Current Music:
Kein Zuruck - Wolfsheim
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Have you ever felt detached from everything in your life? School? Work? Hobbies? Lovers? Sometimes friends and family? Well, if you haven't already guessed, I'm going through that loss of passion. I keep distracting myself with being on the "go" and spending the majority of my time with other people. I don't like being home alone because I start to think and put off the things I should be doing. All I ever do these days is avoid. I look like the social butterfly enjoying every waking moment...and I am when I'm not letting myself stop to think about what I'm doing to myself. I have become the queen of screwing myself over...without drugs being in the picture, anyway.
I have lost sight of my goals and feel like I'm drifting in place...if that makes any sense at all. I'm currently watching my school career circle the proverbial drain and want to save it, but lack the commitment and determination. This upsets me greatly. I have taken the position of backseat driver in my own goddamn life. Why does it feel impossible to put my foot down and say, "no," to invitations out when there's homework to be done? I say, "yes," knowing it will cause me to flunk. Am I unconciously making myself flunk out on purpose? What if I change my major? Would that make a difference? Perhaps get a degree in art...that has a much less strict regimen...I think. At least imperfect grades won't keep me from getting the damn degree. Biochemistry requires a practically spotless record and I started out with spots. The fact that SFCC doesn't have a forgiveness policy really doesn't help and has had me screwed since I started.
Current Mood:
numb numb
Current Music:
When Will This End - Korn
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I am in a grrrreat mood! Still have shit-tons of stress, just learning how to better manage myself amidst it all.
Current Location:
If you don't know, then you're a dumb-dumb.
Current Mood:
hyper hyper
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I don't know what I am. I do know that I am somehow unbalanced upstairs, but I don't know what it is. I've gotten different suppositions from different people, doctors and friends alike... bipolar, multiple personality disorder (now called something else I can't remember), schizophrenia, manic-depressive (isn't that the same as bipolar?), clinically depressed, weird, crazy, psycho, and other un-scholarly names. I like eccentric the best.

It's not that it even really matters what it is called...I just want to know so I can better learn to cope with it. You would think I'd have it down pat after 22 years but, alas, I do not.

Current Location:
My Head
Current Mood:
contemplative contemplative
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I have new neighbors moving in tonight...should I "impress" them with the best of my eccentricities or let them go about their boring lives without some source of amusement? Oh, how I want to disturb them!
Current Location:
Your Closet
Current Mood:
mischievous mischievous
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"I've got no strings to hold me down, to make me fret, or make me frown. I had strings, but now I'm free. There are no strings on me!" - So sang Pinocchio.
Current Location:
My Howwwse
Current Mood:
chipper chipper
Current Music:
The musics in my Head
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So, I was feeling all sorts of blah last night at 4am and decided to cut and dye my hair. I love it! I can't wait until I have the money to put the finishing touch on. But that might be a little while. If you want to see it, hang out with me.
Current Location:
Home
Current Mood:
giddy giddy
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So, I think I have finally found someone to move in! If all works out, my financial worries will be over!...or at least GREATLY reduced. I do not know for sure, so I don't want to get overly excited and worked up for nothing.
Current Mood:
excited excited
Current Music:
Ecce Gratum - Qntal
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